It’s been a great couple of mornings and I must say.. My daughter (she’s 10, turning 11 this month) and I have been developing a great relationship lately. It’s been a long hard road (as her father and I went through a rough divorce last year that JUST ended in the last few months – plus she’s not your typical child either, she has special emotional needs as she’s a unique child with a very high IQ with emotional & social development issues). It’s actually been very exciting for me, I’ve been waiting years to see this kind of progress out of my daughter.
To see that she is connecting with me, with that “mother – daughter” emotional bond, gives me hope that we can have a bond for the rest of my life now. When she was 4 and I started seeing signs that she had no feelings of remorse or feelings of empathy, or that her idea of love was that of a 2 yr. old being given sole attention to HER and what she wanted… I know, it does sound like a child that has been spoiled.. But it is not.. Her brain was in capable of comprehending what another person could be feeling.. Just as a toddler can only think of one-self. Her brain never developed past that stage, but only in that aspect of the emotional and social development.. Even now, we still struggle with the social development with getting her to understand that with Friendships, she can not expect her friends to be “just her friend”, she struggles to understand why they have to have OTHER friends, and it hurts her feelings that they “have fun” or enjoy the company, laugh and play with other children. She honestly takes offense to it and thinks that they no longer love her…
Anyway, she and I have been working on gaining trust and a mother daughter bond that until now was non existent, as I said above (issues that developed after the age of around 4 when we discovered her IQ and issues when we had her tested – due to problems at school and problems at home with her not listening to us / getting in trouble.)
You can imagine having parents like mine anyway (my in-laws accepted her as she was and understood what she was going through, as my Mother in law was a nurse at a school for children with disabilities – she knew what kinds of problems children would have to deal with) My mom, being “old school” as she is, our daughter came off to her that she was “spoiled” and “needed more discipline : spanked ect” When, we tried to explain what the REAL issue was, she just said we were “lazy, and didn’t want to deal with the REAL issue at hand” so I have distanced myself (& my daughter) from my mom because my she just doesn’t get it and continues to feel that my daughter is “spoiled, or a MONSTER brought on by the lack of discipline”.. After a while I just gave in and stopped arguing with her because it was getting me no where, she just wasn’t listening to me, to he truth… We just “stay away”.
What has been a challenge has been introducing another “man” into this scenario… Because with children that have these types of emotional and social issues, comes other issues as well.. Such as OCD issues.. My daughter has extreme OCD issues about BUGS.. Extreme FEAR of bugs of all kids.. Out door activities can be extremely difficult, so with summer coming, with spring time roaring ahead of it. I will have my hands full with reminding her teachers and the school faculty of her “issues” so that they can be empathetic to her needs.. They send the kids outdoors for Play time and that will NOT be good if she comes across ANTS or BEE’S ect ect.. She WILL hyperventilate and have a complete melt down..
We are on a great path, I just hope I can keep us on that path